I Changed my Mind Again

Okay, just a quick note today. I hope I won't sound like a very non-serious person when I say this, but I changed my mind. I am not dropping AP Chem, only because it would look bad on my transcript. I am going to try harder, and if I still hate it, then I'll think about quitting the class. But that absolutely does not change anything. I am still with my decision [[for now]] to not become a doctor, and do something that's more me. Of course I am and will still have doubts every now and then, but that's only very normal. I am in high spirits and ecstatic about my conclusion. I've decided that every time I get confused, I should just contemplate and digest this: I need to do what's right. Right means what's right for me.
Also, these words surely made me forget about my confusion. They made my heart so utterly comforted, ecstatic, thankful, in awe, and in love :

35: Be not weary and faint-hearted, crying for peace, when ye are the uppermost: for Allah (God) is with you, and will never put you in loss for your (good) deeds.

Visit ReadtheQuran.org for more.

--Aysha

P.S. Please check out the other pages of the blog. I add new stuff every so often! :)

Life Really is a Rollercoaster

Hi everyone!

So today I think I made a really really important decision. All these years, somewhere in my mind, there was this voice telling me that I just had to become a doctor. That this was the only way my parents and relatives would be pleased, I would be satisfied, and I could feel smart. I have no idea why I was after impressing others. It's my life. And I am so so happy when I think about the fact that God doesn't care what field you go in, if you make big bucks, if you're smart, if you like school, or whatever. You won't be judged on the Day of Judgement according to that. If He doesn't care then by fact, it does not matter. Everything I do in this life should be for God. Why waste it in killing myself mentally only to semi-please others? That's not my happiness. You see, my older sister Amna wants to be a doctor, and it's her passion. I think I wanted it to be mine, too. So I felt that people's expectations were that I would "follow my sister." I can't say that this idea was completely ridiculous, because as sad as it is, people think that. Once, a lady I met for the first time in my life told me that I should be dedicated like my sister. What?! She didn't know me. I didn't get it. How could she judge me in any possible way? People have this crazy image that if I am not exactly like the image they have for my sister, I was lacking in ability. Adults nowadays think that you aren't your own person, but rather a reflection of your sibling. That your abilities match your brother or sisters'. That, in my mind, is not just incorrect, but absurd. I am intelligent as well as intellectual, so I just don't understand where the disapproval was coming from. For example, my sister didn't take AP Chem as a sophomore like I did; does that make her dumber than me? No. Am I not as smart as her because I don't dress, talk, walk, act, take the exact same steps exactly like her?

Today started out very bad, and because of that, it ended up great. It's a bit hard to explain. Long story short, my stress led me to making the decision of dropping AP Chemistry not only because it is in fact the hardest class anyone will take, especially for a sophomore, but because I don't like it. It's not science in general, because I love Biology, but AP Chem. Seriously not my thing. Besides, Science is an interest, but not THE main passion of mine. I realized today that I am not dumb, I just like things apart from my sisters. That's a good thing. I like to be different. And I haven't told my mom yet, but I feel that a dominant part of her will internally sigh with relief like I did today. She knows the hard life doctors have. Becoming a doctor is tough work, an infinitely long process, and not worth it unless you absolutely love the field of medicine like my sister. So really, it was my own complex brought on by many individuals including strangers and even family, not my wonderful supporting parents' and sisters. Now I feel relaxed, even happy. Like a normal teenager, not the regular me with my overworked, too-mature mind.

Today I was once again saved by my awesome sisters. Amna [[aka my guidance counselor]] asked me what I wanted in life. When I told her my thoughts, it had nothing to do with education, which was exactly what she was trying to make me realize. That school is NOT life. Besides that, she also helped me [[well really, convinced]] make the decision in pursuing a career in what I love.

So I am happy, and I think we're going to go out in like 5 minutes to Walmart to buy some snacks because a break for the three of us is very much needed. Then we'll come home to watch a movie. Don't know what movie we're going to watch. We're contemplating between Becoming Jane and Pride & Prejudice, among a couple others that I don't really care about.

Here's a poem I whipped up for Amna as a thanks and expression of love in like less than 5 minutes. :)

The verses of life
Are like the sea
Difficult to measure,
Yet clear to see,
Of many reflections,
Of countless emotions,
The one which dominates them all
Is love.

--Aysha <3

What are the Verses of Life?

In Urdu, the national language of Pakistan, Verses of Life would be spoken "Zindagi ke Ayaatein." Zindangi means life, Ayaatein is the plural of Ayat, or verse. [[I am not a fluent speaker, so do not assume everything I tell you is exactly accurate.]] Ayat is also an Arabic word. When speaking of "ayat," it is usually being referred to a line of the book of Islam, the Holy Quran.

I found out today what the literal translation of ayat is. It blew my mind. It was bewildering yet made so much sense at the same time.
For me, the verses of life are the lines from the Holy Quran. The Holy Quran is [[a description of]] an exact way of life, the extremely detailed and clear poetic verses in it are extraordinarily beautiful, soothing, surprising, colorful, reassuring, and everything in between. To me, the verses of life include struggle, gratitude, and search of peace. Who is writing those verses? Well, obviously, you. The choices you make are being written in this massive book in which there is a score for the good and bad deeds you do. That book belongs to God. The verses of life [[the Holy Quran]] tells me that there is only One God who is so powerful, loving, and forgiving, and that the seal of the prophets was Muhammad, peace be upon him.

I research much about my religion. One day, I came to know that God forgives absolutely any and all sins, even the biggest sin of all - not believing in or associating/partnering God with another [[fake]] deity - if you just repent. That's all you have to do.
Ask for forgiveness and mean it.
Tears came to my eyes. We humans are not worthy. Of anything. My mom told me God is even more mericiful in the Afterlife than while we are living.Why would you not want to believe in the God who forgives anything for which you are sorry for?
So then, what is the literal translation of ayat?

Ayat means
Miracle.

--Aysha <3

An Introduction

Hi! I'm Aysha Adrees, the "Ay" in Aysha pronounced like the "ay" in papaya. [[Um, yeah. Papaya was the only word I could think of...]] I'm a 15-year-old Pakistani girl living in a very diverse-less town, which exclaims "monotony" and "nothing ever happens around here," that frankly, has no degree of interest or importance to me, including its inhabitants. I can say that I definitely see myself not looking back to this small city in the upcoming years of my life. I can't say I have any hobbies, because while I'd love to be able to play piano or violin, or take at least halfway impressive photos, I don't.

That's why literature is kind of my life. I am very into my academics and all, but lit. is not just a value but something that I actually like, or rather, love to do. And so I obsess and invest much time in reading lyrics to songs, writing in my journal, very occasionally composing a poem, reading and writing quotes from books, songs, and people, researching old writers, poets, playwrights etcetera, etcetera. Some of my faves are, by the way, [[Jalal ud Din]] Rumi, Hafez, Bulleh Shah as well as the Western poets, Shakespeare, Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou, Khalil Gibran, and the like.

I plan to take Journalism all four years of high school. In Journalism as a freshman last year, I was publicity manager of our school newspaper. And once in 8th grade, I somehow managed to get a poem I wrote about snow in the yearbook. But now, I am not really concerned about pursuing my own passion in perfecting or publishing my writing, but rather learning and gathering info about famous as well as not-so-known, preferably historical, poets and authors. This blog will be a complilation essentially. I will find the rarest, most beautiful quotes. Give reference to the best books. Attempt to heal myself and others' with the composers' sweet lyrics. I hope you feel the most dominant emotion I feel when reading the ink of these verses :

Peace.
--Aysha