Hi everyone!
So today I think I made a really really important decision. All these years, somewhere in my mind, there was this voice telling me that I just had to become a doctor. That this was the only way my parents and relatives would be pleased, I would be satisfied, and I could feel smart. I have no idea why I was after impressing others. It's my life. And I am so so happy when I think about the fact that God doesn't care what field you go in, if you make big bucks, if you're smart, if you like school, or whatever. You won't be judged on the Day of Judgement according to that. If He doesn't care then by fact, it does not matter. Everything I do in this life should be for God. Why waste it in killing myself mentally only to semi-please others? That's not my happiness. You see, my older sister Amna wants to be a doctor, and it's her passion. I think I wanted it to be mine, too. So I felt that people's expectations were that I would "follow my sister." I can't say that this idea was completely ridiculous, because as sad as it is, people think that. Once, a lady I met for the first time in my life told me that I should be dedicated like my sister. What?! She didn't know me. I didn't get it. How could she judge me in any possible way? People have this crazy image that if I am not exactly like the image they have for my sister, I was lacking in ability. Adults nowadays think that you aren't your own person, but rather a reflection of your sibling. That your abilities match your brother or sisters'. That, in my mind, is not just incorrect, but absurd. I am intelligent as well as intellectual, so I just don't understand where the disapproval was coming from. For example, my sister didn't take AP Chem as a sophomore like I did; does that make her dumber than me? No. Am I not as smart as her because I don't dress, talk, walk, act, take the exact same steps exactly like her?
Today started out very bad, and because of that, it ended up great. It's a bit hard to explain. Long story short, my stress led me to making the decision of dropping AP Chemistry not only because it is in fact the hardest class anyone will take, especially for a sophomore, but because I don't like it. It's not science in general, because I love Biology, but AP Chem. Seriously not my thing. Besides, Science is an interest, but not THE main passion of mine. I realized today that I am not dumb, I just like things apart from my sisters. That's a good thing. I like to be different. And I haven't told my mom yet, but I feel that a dominant part of her will internally sigh with relief like I did today. She knows the hard life doctors have. Becoming a doctor is tough work, an infinitely long process, and not worth it unless you absolutely love the field of medicine like my sister. So really, it was my own complex brought on by many individuals including strangers and even family, not my wonderful supporting parents' and sisters. Now I feel relaxed, even happy. Like a normal teenager, not the regular me with my overworked, too-mature mind.
Today I was once again saved by my awesome sisters. Amna [[aka my guidance counselor]] asked me what I wanted in life. When I told her my thoughts, it had nothing to do with education, which was exactly what she was trying to make me realize. That school is NOT life. Besides that, she also helped me [[well really, convinced]] make the decision in pursuing a career in what I love.
So I am happy, and I think we're going to go out in like 5 minutes to Walmart to buy some snacks because a break for the three of us is very much needed. Then we'll come home to watch a movie. Don't know what movie we're going to watch. We're contemplating between Becoming Jane and Pride & Prejudice, among a couple others that I don't really care about.
Here's a poem I whipped up for Amna as a thanks and expression of love in like less than 5 minutes. :)
The verses of life
Are like the sea
Difficult to measure,
Yet clear to see,
Of many reflections,
Of countless emotions,
The one which dominates them all
Is love.
--Aysha <3
So today I think I made a really really important decision. All these years, somewhere in my mind, there was this voice telling me that I just had to become a doctor. That this was the only way my parents and relatives would be pleased, I would be satisfied, and I could feel smart. I have no idea why I was after impressing others. It's my life. And I am so so happy when I think about the fact that God doesn't care what field you go in, if you make big bucks, if you're smart, if you like school, or whatever. You won't be judged on the Day of Judgement according to that. If He doesn't care then by fact, it does not matter. Everything I do in this life should be for God. Why waste it in killing myself mentally only to semi-please others? That's not my happiness. You see, my older sister Amna wants to be a doctor, and it's her passion. I think I wanted it to be mine, too. So I felt that people's expectations were that I would "follow my sister." I can't say that this idea was completely ridiculous, because as sad as it is, people think that. Once, a lady I met for the first time in my life told me that I should be dedicated like my sister. What?! She didn't know me. I didn't get it. How could she judge me in any possible way? People have this crazy image that if I am not exactly like the image they have for my sister, I was lacking in ability. Adults nowadays think that you aren't your own person, but rather a reflection of your sibling. That your abilities match your brother or sisters'. That, in my mind, is not just incorrect, but absurd. I am intelligent as well as intellectual, so I just don't understand where the disapproval was coming from. For example, my sister didn't take AP Chem as a sophomore like I did; does that make her dumber than me? No. Am I not as smart as her because I don't dress, talk, walk, act, take the exact same steps exactly like her?
Today started out very bad, and because of that, it ended up great. It's a bit hard to explain. Long story short, my stress led me to making the decision of dropping AP Chemistry not only because it is in fact the hardest class anyone will take, especially for a sophomore, but because I don't like it. It's not science in general, because I love Biology, but AP Chem. Seriously not my thing. Besides, Science is an interest, but not THE main passion of mine. I realized today that I am not dumb, I just like things apart from my sisters. That's a good thing. I like to be different. And I haven't told my mom yet, but I feel that a dominant part of her will internally sigh with relief like I did today. She knows the hard life doctors have. Becoming a doctor is tough work, an infinitely long process, and not worth it unless you absolutely love the field of medicine like my sister. So really, it was my own complex brought on by many individuals including strangers and even family, not my wonderful supporting parents' and sisters. Now I feel relaxed, even happy. Like a normal teenager, not the regular me with my overworked, too-mature mind.
Today I was once again saved by my awesome sisters. Amna [[aka my guidance counselor]] asked me what I wanted in life. When I told her my thoughts, it had nothing to do with education, which was exactly what she was trying to make me realize. That school is NOT life. Besides that, she also helped me [[well really, convinced]] make the decision in pursuing a career in what I love.
So I am happy, and I think we're going to go out in like 5 minutes to Walmart to buy some snacks because a break for the three of us is very much needed. Then we'll come home to watch a movie. Don't know what movie we're going to watch. We're contemplating between Becoming Jane and Pride & Prejudice, among a couple others that I don't really care about.
Here's a poem I whipped up for Amna as a thanks and expression of love in like less than 5 minutes. :)
The verses of life
Are like the sea
Difficult to measure,
Yet clear to see,
Of many reflections,
Of countless emotions,
The one which dominates them all
Is love.
--Aysha <3
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